I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
