if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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