I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
