I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
