wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
