anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
