Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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