There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
