Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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