I puked a lego.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
