I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
