I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
