I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
