Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
