she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
