My room smells like vodka and shame
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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