can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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