I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
