Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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