So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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