I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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