Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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