so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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