Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
