someone owes me an orgasm
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
