it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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