he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
