I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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