so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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