Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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