We won't sleep together?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
