i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
