hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
