Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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