she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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