you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
