winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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