david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
