i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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