so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am spending my child support on dildos
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
