Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
