why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
