i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
