and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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