Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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