i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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