I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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