Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
