Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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