I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
